Masks

One of the hardest things I am dealing with is letting go of the images I set for myself. The masks have become such a standard part of my wardrobe, I'm not sure I even know when I'm wearing one. But I do know that as long as I hold on to them, I will never rediscover who I truly am.

As a child, I simply was. Then as I aged, I studied those around me to see how they view me. I begin the process of looking at how others look at me and creating a person that I thought they thought I should be. Yes, this process is that confusing. And yet, as women, we fall into this trap.

At some point in my live, I was forced to either recognize that I was carrying those masks or let them become melded so deeply to me that there was no longer anyone below the mask. The failure to recognize the masks I wear for the burden they are began to drag me down into fits of doubt, self-loathing, depression, or worse.

That is why I have moved out and onto a path to find how much of me still exists. It is also a process of discovering what parts of this person that I appear to be are masks and what is really me. It not easy, safe or comfortable. I wonder if I will like the person I find or if I will even recognize her, but either way, I know I must push ahead for there is no option.